22. Beware lest, if you begin to fast or abstain, you imagine that you are already holy. For this virtue is an aid, not the perfection of sanctity. Rather, caution must be taken not to allow this to make you think of illicit things with a sense of security, while disregarding lawful things. Whatever is offered to God beyond justice should not hinder justice, but rather assist it. However, what good is fulfilled by the body's being weakened by abstinence, if the spirit is swollen with pride? What praise shall we deserve for the pallor of fasting, if we are envious with greenness? What virtue is there in not drinking wine, and yet being intoxicated with anger and hatred? Then, I say, abstinence is excellent, then the chastisement of the body is beautiful and great, when the mind is free from vices. Those who hold the virtue of abstinence probably and knowingly afflict their own flesh, that they may break the pride of their soul and, as it were, descend from a certain height of self-contempt and arrogance to carry out the will of the Lord, which is most perfectly attained in humility. Therefore, they withdraw their minds from various desires for food, so that they may occupy all their energy in the desire for virtue. And already, the flesh feels less the burden of fasting and abstinence, while the soul hungers for justice. For Paul, also, the vessel of election, while he chastises his body and reduces it to servitude, lest in preaching to others he himself should become a castaway (1 Cor. 9:27), does not practice chastity for this end alone, as some unwise people think, but abstinence is of assistance not only to this virtue, but to all virtues whatsoever. Nor is the glory of the Apostles great or entire for avoiding fornication; but rather the soul is trained by the punishment of the body, and as it desires nothing from pleasures, it is able to think more about virtues; lest as a master of perfection, something imperfect be shown in oneself; lest as an imitator of Christ, anything outside of Christ's command or will be done; and may he not teach less by example than by word, and when he has preached to others, may he not be reprobate himself; and let him hear with the Pharisees: For they say and do not (Matthew 23:3).
23. However, it is both the command and the example of the apostles that we should be mindful not only of our conscience, but also of our reputation (Romans 12:17). This master of the nations teaches nothing superfluous or unfruitful, for he desires that even non-believers should be helped toward the faith through the good deeds of Christians, so that the discipline of religion may be commended by the example of religion itself. And therefore he bids us shine like lights in the midst of a wicked and perverse nation (Philippians 2:15), among whom we should appear as providers of the light, so that through our good deeds, the unbelievers themselves may be able to discern the light of truth amid the darkness of ignorance. Therefore, he himself also says to the Romans: "Providing good not only in the sight of God, but also in the sight of men" (Rom. 12.17). And elsewhere: "Be without offence to the Jews, and to the Gentiles, and to the Church of God, as I also in all things please all men, not seeking that which is profitable to myself, but to many" (1 Cor. 10.32-33). Blessed is he who so holily and seriously has disposed of his life, that not even a malicious word can be formed against him, while the greatness of his merit fights against the desires of detractors, whom no one thinks worthy of belief. And if achieving this is difficult and too lofty, let us at least employ diligence in our own lives, so that evil-minded people may not find occasion to slander us. Let no spark proceed from us, by which the flame of sinister reputation might be fanned against us. Otherwise, we angrily blame our detractors in vain if we provide them with material to detract from us. However, if we provide diligently and carefully for everything that is noble and prioritize the fear of God in all our actions, they will still rave nonetheless. Our conscience will console us, which is then most secure when it has not even given them occasion to speak ill of it. Woe is promised to those by the Prophet who say that good is evil, who call light darkness, and what is sweet, bitter. Let us, therefore, heed the words of the Savior: Blessed are you when men revile you, and say all manner of evil against you falsely. Let us conduct ourselves, so that no one can speak ill of us with falsehood.
24. Thus hold your family concerns, so as to grant some respite for your soul. Choose for yourself a suitable setting, somewhat removed from the noise of family, to which you might withdraw, as into a harbour from the storms of many worries, and, with the excitement outside of your thoughts stilled, arrange things in tranquility. May study of the divine word be so frequent there, so frequent the occasions of prayer, so firm and deep your meditation upon the future, that with ease by means of this calling you find time for all other activities. And we do not say this to withdraw you from your affairs; indeed, it is our objective that in that place you learn, and there meditate, what sort of example you ought to be to yours.
25. Rule and nurture your household so that you desire to be seen more as the mother of your people than as their mistress, from whom you should demand respect rather than severity, out of kindness. Obsequiousness that comes from love is always more faithful and grateful than that which comes from fear. Especially in holy and blameless wedlock, the order of the Apostolic rule should be upheld.
26. Let his authority be preserved first of all, and let the whole household learn from you how much honor is owed to him. Show him obedience, demonstrate your great humility to him, and you will become as honored as he is, and you will have honored him even more. For, as the Apostle says, the head of the woman is the man (Eph. 5:23): and nothing else decorates the rest of the body as much as the dignity of the head. Hence he says elsewhere: Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord (Colossians 3:18). But Blessed Apostle Peter also says: Likewise, wives, be subject to your husbands, so that even if some do not believe the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives (1 Peter 3:1). If, therefore, honor is owed to pagan husbands by the right of marriage, how much more to Christians.
27. And to show by what adornments even men ought to be decorated by women joined to them, he says: Of whom the ornament is not outward, in the plaiting of the hair, or in the wearing of gold, or in the putting on of dress: but the man is hidden in the incorruptibility of a quiet and modest spirit, which is rich in the sight of God. For after this manner heretofore the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands: as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. But commanding these (things), (she) does not order (them) to be filthy in filth, and to be covered with bristly rags, but she forbids immoderate dress and overly choice adornment, and commends simple decoration and dress. Of which (things) he also says about the vessel of election: Likewise also women (should be) in adorned dress, with shamefacedness and sobriety: not with twisted hair, or gold, or pearls, or precious garments, but (which) befits women, promising chastity through good works (1 Tim. 2:9-10).
28. But I have found that you, inflamed with a wonderful ardor of faith, proposed to be continent some years ago and have consecrated the remaining time of your life to chastity. This is a sign of great courage and an indication of complete virtue to suddenly renounce enjoyment which has been experienced, to flee the well-known pleasures of the flesh, and to extinguish the flames of warm youth with love (or ardor) for faith. But I have also learned at the same time, which greatly troubles and stimulates me, that you have begun to preserve this only good without the consent and agreement of your husband, whereas this Apostolic authority altogether prohibits it, which in this matter only subjects the wife to the husband, but also the husband to the power of the wife. "The wife," he says, "does not have power over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have power over his own body, but the wife does" (1 Corinthians 7:4). However, you, as if having forgotten the pledge of marriage and this agreement and being unaware of the law, vowed chastity to the Lord without consulting your husband. But it is dangerous to promise what is still in the power of the other. And I do not know how pleasing a gift it is, if one person offers what belongs to two. We have already heard and seen many things done out of such ignorance, and couples torn apart, and, what it is unpleasant to remember, adultery committed under the pretext of chastity. For while one side is also abstaining from what is lawful, the other has fallen into what is unlawful. And I do not know who should be accused more in such a case, who should be blamed more, whether the one who is rejected by his spouse and commits fornication, or the one who, by rejecting her husband, somehow exposes him to fornication. And as concerning this matter, in order that you may know what the truth is, a few things must be set forth by me concerning divine authority. The rule of apostolic doctrine does not equate the virtue of continence with the duties of marriage, nor does it condemn marriage as the Manichees do. Therefore, the vessel of election and teacher of the Gentiles [i.e. the Apostle Paul] moves between the two and is moderate, so as to indulge incontinence with a remedy and provoke continence with a reward. And his entire purpose in this matter is to propose chastity from the opinion of each one, or at least that the common obligation be fulfilled by either.
29. But let us cite the words themselves of the Apostle and retract this whole case to its beginning. For he speaks to the Corinthians: "It is good for a man not to touch a woman" (1 Cor. 7:1). And although he has praised chastity here, yet in order not to seem to prohibit marriages to some people, he adds: "But for fear of fornication, let each have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband pay what he owes to his wife, and also the wife to her husband. But the wife does not have power over her own body, but the husband does." And the man does not have power over his own body, but the woman. Do not defraud one another (Ibid. and seq.). And again, lest by saying too much for the sake of marriage, he seem to exclude chastity, he adds: Except perhaps by agreement for a time, that you may give yourselves to prayer. But then he immediately as it were withdraws what he has said about a time, lest he should seem to be teaching a continence not continuous but temporary and brief. For he says: on account of your incontinence. But this I say by way of concession, not by way of commandment. Therefore, what he said for a time teaches that meditation must be made of chastity, so that through certain intervals of time, as if their powers of continence have been examined, they may promise without danger to each side that which must always be observed by both. But what he absolutely wills, he says plainly: Moreover, I want all men to be like myself, that is, to live in constant and perpetual chastity.
30. Do you not see how cautiously, how carefully, without any opportunity for scandal, the teacher has established a view of chastity, not wishing that the good be shaken by one person's rashness, which the consensus of both should bind and confirm? And in truth, what is firmer and safer than chastity which is maintained in common by the decision commenced by two people and supported by each one? Nor is one part alone concerned with itself, but they stir themselves mutually to a persevering virtue. For this, as for other good things, it is praiseworthy not only to have started, but also to have completed it. For quite some time, as you understand, speech is held in a difficult and dangerous place and dares not to lean towards either direction, for it fears each one equally, but from our difficulty, recognize your distinction; for we have chosen to sadden you, perhaps by saying true things, rather than deceive with false praise. As you see, the double evil, equal and dangerous risk, presses in from both sides; you are constricted by both. To completely despise and loathe a man is openly against the Apostle's advice; but to waste such an amount of time and not give back to God what you promised, that is to be feared and trembled for. As the saying goes, it is easy to make an enemy out of a friend whom you do not fulfill your promises. For so it is written: "If you make a vow to the Lord your God, do not delay in fulfilling it, for the Lord your God will surely demand an accounting from you, and you will be guilty of sin." (Deut. 23:21 and Eccl. 5:3). Therefore, he says: Give the man his due honor, that through both can you pay to the Lord the due vow you promised. We do not doubt his conscience, if you would wait a little: not that we draw you back from the good of chastity, but we strongly encourage your spirit to the oracle of chastity; so that he may offer a voluntary sacrifice to God, for a sweet smell: that the mind may be stripped of all worldly entanglements and bodily pleasures: that you may be able to more fully adhere to the precepts of the Lord. However, so that you do not think that anything was said carelessly by us, we have taught with testimonies from the divine Scriptures, just as the Apostle says: And they shall be two in one flesh (1 Cor. 6. 16. 17); no longer one flesh (Matt. 19. 6), but one spirit (1 Cor. 6. 17).
31. This is a great sacrament, and the journey to chastity is difficult, but the rewards are great. The Lord calls us in the Gospel saying: 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world' (Matthew 25:34). The same Lord says: 'Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your selves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light'. For the Lord himself says to those who are at his left: Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, which was prepared for the devil and his angels; (Matth. 25. 41): I know not any of you, ye workers of iniquity. There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. They, indeed, shall all mourn, they shall lament, who thus wrap themselves up in cares for the present life, that they forget the future; whom the coming of the Lord, with a certain sleep of ignorance and bad security oppressed with waves, shall overtake: whence he himself says in the gospel: Take heed to yourselves, lest perhaps your hearts be overcharged with surfeiting and drunkenness, and the cares of this life; and that day come upon you suddenly; for as a snare shall it come upon all that sit upon the face of the whole earth (Luc. 21. 34. 35). And again: Watch ye therefore, and pray, for ye know not when the time is (Matth. 24. 42. and 25. 13).
32. Blessed are those who await and eagerly anticipate that day and who prepare themselves for it daily, who are not deluded by past righteousness but who are daily renewed in virtue according to the apostle. For the righteousness of the righteous will not help him if he stops being righteous. And likewise, the wickedness of the wicked will not harm him if he turns away from wickedness. Nor should the holy man therefore be secure, as long as he is engaged in the struggle of this life; nor should the sinner despair, who, according to the aforementioned sentence of the Prophet, can make himself just in one day; but the whole space of your life is to seek justice; nor trusting in past justice, become more lax; but as the Apostle says, Forgetting the things that are behind, but stretching forth myself to those that are before, I press towards the prize, to the high calling of God in Christ Jesus, knowing that God is the inspector of the heart (Phil. 3.15 and Prov. 24.12). And therefore he strives, so that he may have a clean soul from sin. For this reason it is written, Keep thy heart with all diligence (Prov. 4.23). And again: The Lord loves those with clean hearts. All the immaculate have been accepted by Him (Prov. 11. 20. according to LXX) . Therefore, spend the remaining time of your life without offense, so that you can sing confidently with the Prophet: I will walk with innocence of my heart in the midst of my house (Psal. 100. 2) . And again: I will go in to the altar of God, to God who gives joy to my youth (Psal. 42. 4) . For it is not enough to have begun; one must also strive to perfect justice.