Chapter XXXI.
I made a pact with my eyes, that I would not even think about a virgin. For what portion would God have in me from above, and what inheritance would the Almighty have from on high? Is there not destruction for the wicked, and alienation for those who work injustice? Does he not consider my ways, and count all my steps? From now on, he declares his righteousness, and particularly his mercies and virtues, which he enumerates up to the number fifteen, like a perfect man who, arranging in his heart, by certain degrees of progress, has reached the house of God by ascending. I, he said, mentally determined and resolved, that nothing shameful and obscene would ever report to me from within, which I would turn over in my mind with the pleasure of desire in wicked thoughts. He had, I believe, on occasion sensed his own flesh with pleasure, and had been tickled by the allurements of delights, and for that reason he had girded himself with the virtue of self-restraint, fearing the eye of God, since He is the scrutiner of the heart, and knows all the ways of human behavior, and all the steps of mortal actions.
If I have walked in vanity, and my foot has hastened to deceit, let me be weighed in a just balance, and let God know my simplicity. Holy Job, confident in the justice of God, desires to make himself known to men. For God does not ignore anything, so as to know it through examination; but God knows, as blessed Job said, in order to make others know, according to this: The Lord God tests you, so that he may know whether you love him: that is, so that he may make others know.
If I turned my steps from the way, and if my heart has followed my eyes, and if a stain cleaved to my hands: Then let me sow, and let another eat, and let my offspring be rooted out. I have not transgressed any of God’s commandments, for my heart did not consent to my eyes coveting lustful images, before I had made a covenant with them, lest they should secretly transmit anything shameful. Hence, no stain of sin could adhere to the works of my hands, which he confirms with a certain oath of execration.
If my heart has been deceived by a woman, and if I have plotted against the door of my friend, let another man's wife be my mistress, and let others bend over her. For this is a great evil and injustice: it is a fire that devours unto destruction, and uproots all offspring. According to the good of nature, as it is written in Tobit: Do not do to others what you would not want done to yourself. Therefore, it is said, this is a shameful thing and a great injustice: to think or do these dreadful and detestable things is a fire that stimulates lust, devouring all the good of virtues and consuming all the progress in sacred matters that should be present in a person.
If I had despised undergoing judgment with my slave and my maid, when they were arguing against me. Or as others have said, at my house.
For what shall I do when God riseth to judge, and when he shall inquire, what shall I answer him? Did not he that made me in the womb, also make him? and did not one and the same form me in the womb?
If I denied what they wanted, I made the poor wait and the widow's eyes wait. It is clear.
If I eat my bread alone, and the orphan does not eat from it, because pity grew with me from my infancy, and came out of my mother's womb with me. It is clear.
If I have despised the poor when they were passing by, and have not clothed the naked, and if I have not blessed the loins of him that was my servant, and the fleece of my sheep, And if I have lifted up my hand against the fatherless, even when I saw myself superior in the gate: Let my shoulder fall from its joint, and my arm with its bones be broken.
If I have lifted up my hand against the orphan, even when I saw myself superior at the gate, may my shoulder blade fall from its socket and may my arm be broken with its bones. For I have always feared God as if he were waves swelling over me, and I have not been able to bear his weight. In my shoulder there is work: in my arm, the perseverance of virtue; and the energy of good works can be received. Unless it is so, all my labors will be found void before God, he says.
If I thought gold was my strength, and I said, 'My confidence.' If I rejoiced in my many riches, and because my hand found many things. A true man of philosophy, held back by no fault, as now a most courageous despicers of greed and arrogance, he also testifies to having considered gold as nothing.
If I saw the sun shining brightly, like the moon rising clearly, and my heart rejoiced in secret, and I kissed my hand with my mouth, which is the greatest iniquity, and a denial against the Most High God. Such virtues and so great a reputation are of no use: no matter how wise, great, and illustrious one may be in committing them, if they are held captive by the folly of errors. Not only, he says, in the worship of any idols, but also, I have not been delighted by the beauty and appearance of these great lights, nor have I kissed my hand as if worshiping them in their veneration: nor have I worshipped a creature instead of the Creator, which the holy Apostle detests in his Epistle to the Romans.
If I rejoiced at the downfall of those who hated me, I exulted because evil had found him. For I did not give in to sin out of a desire to curse his soul. When it is a great thing, if someone does not seek revenge on their enemies, when they have the power to do so, how much more diligently is it before God to seek their ruin, and not take delight in it in one's heart!
If the men of my dwelling did not say, who will give from his flesh for us to be satisfied? The stranger did not stay outside, my door was open to the traveler. Because of his hospitality and virtue, by which he pleased God like the other saints, he had incurred the hatred of the slaves.
If I hide my sin like a man and keep my wickedness hidden in my bosom, it seems to me that this passage speaks of sins committed only in thought: because it did not even want to conceal itself, since it revealed the deepest secrets of its heart to men, claiming that it had not been a consenting participant in any iniquitous sin.
If I trembled at excessive crowds, and the contempt of those nearby frightened me, and I did not keep silent, nor did I leave the door. This place belongs to those who look down on him, who, after placing him among the miseries of calamities, incessantly inflict insults upon him; against whom he set a guard at his mouth, arguing with them.
Who will grant me an audience, so that the Almighty may hear my desire, and write a book himself who judges, so that I may carry it on my shoulder, and encircle it as a crown for myself? At each of my steps, I will pronounce it, and offer it as if to a prince. The holy Job, demonstrating the book to the others, carries it on his shoulder, in a place visible to all; because he is crowned with the glory of the book, as a reward for his labor, and declares, by recounting before God, the increments of his virtues or progress at each of his steps.
If my land cries out against me, and its furrows weep with it. If I eat its fruits without money, and afflict the souls of its farmers: let thistles grow for me instead of wheat, and thorns instead of barley. The land, the flesh of man, is rightly felt. Blessed Job says that it was not his adversary, necessarily: because he had made it obedient to him regarding the ornaments of virtues. He also calls it metaphorical furrows, which are called furrows by him, whether for cultivating good morals or for containing the water of the Word of God, infused into his divine land: according to the saying of the Psalmist: saturating its furrows, multiply its generations. But blessed Job, it seems to me, spoke of these farmers in his holy thoughts, who diligently cultivated the land of their own. The soul of one of these farmers is thus referred to him, so that we may observe their unity of purpose. This is not notable or blameworthy in the manners of the saints, when they praise themselves. For they are not held by the vice of boasting, seeking human glory in their own praises: but they do this with the intention of truth, living simply and sincerely before God.