Chapter IX.
Sara dies and is buried. Abraham provides a wife for his son and binds him with an oath to choose her for himself; and what mystery lies there? In choosing a spouse, especially consider her religion, from which her character depends. How is the nearest, not a foreigner or unwilling, to be sought? In what way is the Church and baptism designated in Rebecca? What gifts should Christian virgins, following the example of Rebecca, desire for themselves; and what do other gifts offered to the same girl signify? What an example of modesty she herself has provided to be imitated, and how well the calling of the Church and the apostolic ministry are expressed in her marriage!
80. The place that follows has the death of a wife, the weeping of a husband, the duty of burial; by these the marital affection is proven. And Abraham rose up from the dead, he said (Gen. XXIII, 3). We are taught not to cling to the dead any longer, but to defer as much as is sufficient for the duty. And he hastened to pay the price for the place of burial, even though it was given for free; so that we do not build tombs for our parents or relatives in foreign places, but rather in our own. For often when the property of others is being sold, which are burial places in the same locations. However, this is why Abraham did it; because there were not yet temples of God like these, in which the remains of the faithful are buried.
Abraham had grown old; therefore, as a good father, he ought to provide a wife for his son. But because of the oracle of God, he could not return to the place from which he had been commanded to depart. However, he was residing in the land of the Canaanites, from whom he was fleeing in order to seek a legitimate heir.
And he called the oldest servant of his household (Gen. XXIV, 2), and said to him to go to Haran, and to seek a wife for his younger master from among his relatives. Learn from this that even servants of older age are called boys by their masters, or by anyone superior. Hence, a certain poet believed that this should be followed: whether in the usage of those who appear to be learned and wise to themselves, he himself found this; whether he himself translated it from our language; or whether he found it already translated.
Feed the oxen like before, boys, and bring the bulls forward. (Virgil, Eclogues I.) We also call boys 'pueros' when we mean little servants, not indicating age, but rather their role.
83. Now consider the virtues of a good paterfamilias, and first think about the duty and to whom he entrusts it; so you should train your slaves in such a way that they show paternal affection to your children and carry out their duties. A senior slave was found for the younger master, who would be chosen to provide a wife and would swear an oath with his hand under his master's thigh. By thigh, we understand generation, and the generation of Abraham is Christ. Where the Apostle says: to Abraham were the promises made, and to his seed. He does not say, and to seeds, as if in many: but as in one, and to your seed, which is Christ (Gal. III, 16); showing through him to us the holy sacrament, through him to be a secure help.
84. However, he commanded him not to take a wife from the Canaanites, whose ancestral line his master had not honored, and therefore he passed on to his descendants the inheritance of a curse. This was done so that we may understand faith and seek a certain inheritance of the author's lineage in those whom we wish to join with us. For with the holy, you will be holy, and with the wicked, you will be wicked. If this is true in other matters, how much more so in marriage, where there is one flesh and one spirit. However, how can love be in harmony if faith differs? And therefore, be cautious, Christian, about giving your daughter to a Gentile or a Jew (28, q. 1, cap. Cave). Be cautious, I say, about marrying a Gentile or Jew, or any foreigner, that is, a heretic, and inviting any woman who is foreign to your faith to be your wife. The first requirement of marriage is faithfulness. If one worships idols that promote adultery, if one denies Christ who is the teacher and rewarder of chastity, how can they love chastity? If she is a Christian, it is not enough unless both of you are initiated in the sacrament of baptism. Together, you must rise for night prayer and beseech God with joined prayers. Another important factor is chastity, if you believe that your marriage is given to you by your God. Hence, Solomon says: 'From God,' he says, 'a wife is prepared for a man' (Prov. XIX, 14). Those who have different beliefs cannot believe in this, that the grace of marriage is bestowed upon them by the one they do not worship. Reason teaches, but examples reinforce. Often the allure of a woman deceives even the strongest husbands, and leads them away from their religious duties (3 Kings 11:4). Therefore, be cautious in matters of love and avoid error. First and foremost, religion is sought in marriage. Therefore, Abraham sought a wife for his son from nearby.
85. And you, seek the nearest. Who is the nearest? He who did mercy, he said. The Lord Jesus said this in the Gospel. And you, seek the nearest of Abraham's seed, and the neighbor near you (Luke 10:37). Christ is the seed of Abraham, he is the nearest of all, who has done mercy above all, taking away the sin of the world. Learn then what is sought in a wife: not gold, not silver did Abraham seek, not possessions, but the grace of good character.
86. Then he was asked if the woman did not want to come, whether he would bring his master's son there. Be careful, he said, not to bring my son back from there. The Lord God of heaven and God of earth took me from my father's house and from the land of my birth, who spoke to me and swore, saying: I will give you this land and to your descendants; he himself will send his angel before you, and you will take a wife for my son from there. But if the woman does not want to come with you to this land, you will be free from this oath (Gen. XXIV, 6 et seq.). Consider this more carefully to what purpose it advances. It is not allowed for you to take a foreigner. Truly, if she becomes Christian, you will have praise from her. Likewise, if she refuses to become Christian, the desire for marriage should not deviate from faith, as the reading instructs. Abraham was admonished to lead the one who follows, not to seek the one who remains, nor to let his son go there. Truly, the lord who had taken him away from the land in which he dwelled would not lack mercy, so that he would go before the persistent petitioner and incline the girl's mind. As if a prophet, he said this in defense of his son, and as a moral teacher, he taught to hope in the Lord, who deems worthy to help those seeking increases in faith.
87. And the servant arose and went to Mesopotamia (Ibid., 10): and according to the way of his vow that the departing servant had made, Rebecca met him, carrying a pitcher on her shoulder, a very beautiful virgin whom the man did not know. And she went down to the well, and filled the pitcher, and gave the servant a drink, and watered all his camels (Ibid., 15 et seq.). And the servant took golden earrings weighing one drachma each, and two bracelets for her hands, weighing ten shekels of gold, and asked her if there was room for him to lodge, and whose daughter she was. Moral simplicity is expressed in the fact that there is no place for ambition in seeking marriage, but the Lord, the bishop of marriage, fulfills the request for marriage. However, it is permitted to consider the mysteries of the Church. Where is the Church found, if not in Mesopotamia? It is sought there, summoned from there, accompanied by two rivers, the bath of grace, and the tears of repentance. For unless you have washed away your own sins, unless you have received the grace of baptism, the faith of the Church and a certain marital union are not acquired for you. She is fortified by the Tigris, which is prudence, and the Euphrates, which is justice, and fruitful enlightenment, separating her from barbarous nations.
88. But the virgin was exceedingly beautiful, whose beauty no age corrupted. Exceedingly beautiful, because he who acquired her was handsome and more beautiful than the sons of men. Whom no man had known; for she had no union with any man, but was owed only to Christ. Carrying a pitcher on her shoulder, with which she washed the acts of men. And because she consists of the congregation of the Gentiles, whom she washed, she descended to the fountain. And she filled the pitcher and ascended (Ibid., 16). That Samaritan woman came to the well, as it is written in the Gospel (John 4:7), but she did not descend; the well seemed to her, nor did she fill the water jar. Finally, she said, 'I do not have a water jar.' She did not have from where to wash her actions. Only she descended, only she recognized the true well, that is, not a well of water, but of eternal life, as David said: 'For with you is the fountain of life, and in your light we shall see light' (Psalm 36:10). Therefore, he had what to give to those who were thirsty, because he believed. For what she did not believe, she said to this well that was willing to give her a drink: Where do you have for me to give living water (John 4:11)? But she had that from which to not only water a child, but also to water camels, which not only used to water the righteous, but also to fill the unjust. Therefore, she received golden earrings and bracelets that Abraham sent, as rewards for her merits.
Perhaps, hearing these things, daughters who strive for the favor of the Lord, you may be provoked to have earrings and necklaces, and to say: How do you forbid this, Bishop, that we should have what Rebecca received as a gift, and you encourage us to be like Rebecca? But Rebecca did not have these earrings and necklaces, which often sow discord in the Church and frequently slip away; she had other earrings, which I wish you had, and other necklaces. The earrings of pious Rebecca are symbols of hearing, and the bracelets of Rebecca are adornments of her deeds. She wore these earrings that did not burden the ear, but soothed it; she wore these bracelets that did not weigh down the hand with material gold, but lifted it with spiritual action. Therefore, this adornment pleased both her brother and her parents. And now, take the earrings that Abraham left for you: take the bracelets that he sent. Listen to the words of the Lord your God, as he himself listened; carry out his commands, as he himself hastened to fulfill them.
90. However, the most beautiful place for instructing those to whom something is enjoined, which the boy Isaac had not previously eaten, Abraham's bread was given to him, before he carried out the command of the Lord. Having obtained this, he gave golden and silver vessels and clothing to Rebecca. When the Church was betrothed, she received golden and silver vessels, in which the treasure of faith would be; for these vessels are for honor, and also for dishonor. Listen to what these vessels are: 'But we have this treasure in earthen vessels' (2 Corinthians 4:7). Our bodies are like earthen vessels: our faith is our treasure. And perhaps even our bodies themselves, which possess this treasure, are golden, because they are full of prudence. And the silver vessels are those that seem to shine with heavenly commandments. And parents are also honored with gifts (32, q. 2, c. Honorantur).
91. The girl seeks advice not about betrothal, for she awaits the judgment of her parents, for it is not the place of a virgin’s modesty to choose a husband; but now, having been betrothed to a man, she seeks advice about departure. And she has not brought about delay without justification; indeed, she ought to hurry to her husband. Hence that Euripidean saying, which many wonder about, from where it was translated is clear. For he speaks in the persona of a woman who, however, wanted to leave her husband and was being sought for other marriages.
My father Merimna will take care of my marriage, not me. So keep what even the philosophers have admired, maidens. But also, women, if any young girl, fearing the trap of her own weakness after quickly losing her husband, wishes to marry, let her marry only in the Lord, so that she may defer the choice of a husband to her parents; so that she may not be considered too bold in her desires if she claims the right to choose her own marriage. A thing sought ought to seem more desired by the man than the man himself desiring it. Let her precede modesty before she marries, for modesty itself recommends the bond of marriage more. But words imitate them, they cannot imitate works.
92. It is also evident that a glorious mystery of the Church is present in it, because no one dared to call it the Church before Christ; for this prerogative of being called belonged only to Christ. But once it was called, it did not delay, and therefore it was more acceptable to the Lord; because the Jewish people who were called to the supper were not worthy to come: but when the assembly of the Gentiles saw that it was being summoned, it came forward.
93. Finally, so that you may know, not without mystery, when he was being carried on a camel, he came to the bridegroom; because the people of the nations, horrible with a certain beastly deformity of their merits, who had no beauty in their appearance, were to receive the faith and consent of the Church. Nor is this idle, that when Rebecca came, Isaac saw her walking; and when he asked who she was, knowing that she was the one who was to be his wife, he descended and began to cover his head, teaching that modesty should precede marriage: for this reason also weddings are called so, because for the sake of modesty the girls cover their heads. Learn, therefore, young ladies, how to preserve modesty, and do not go forth in public with your heads uncovered, lest, like Rebecca, who was already betrothed, you may not think it necessary to show the designated husband openly.
94. Who is that servant who provides for these weddings? Surely one of the Apostles, and especially he who says: Men and brothers, you know that from ancient days God chose to hear the nations the word of the Gospel from my mouth (Acts 15:7). Or he who is called the teacher of the Gentiles (1 Timothy 2:7). For when they are read, either John the Evangelist or acquire Christ's soul; so that he may believe what he did not believe before: and they show by their words to those who desire to see Christ. And so Abraham, after celebrating the wedding of his son (Gen. XXV, 8), completed his days in old age and good old age.
Book Two.