Chapter IX.
Few admit their own sins like David, rather many of them boast about them; the wise never forget the memory of their wrongdoing; and how powerful is the conscience? There is a difference between sin and iniquity: and by what means are they erased, being joined together by baptism and repentance.
Therefore he added: Because I acknowledge my iniquity, and my sin is always against me (Psalm 50:5). It is no small thing for each person to acknowledge their sin. Therefore, it also says above: Who can understand his errors? (Psalm 19:13) That is, who is so great that they can understand? How is it said: Who shall dwell in your tabernacle, or who shall ascend the mountain of the Lord? (Psalm 15:1) Certainly not no one, but few. For whoever can recognize, can decline, can choose what to follow. Many boast in their own faults, and they think that those things which are a disgrace are praiseworthy. If he defiles another's bed, and overpowers the virtue of a chaste woman, if he alters the intention of a widow through some deceit: another thinks that to live by the plundering and killing of men is virtue: some believe that to deceive and cheat is wisdom. Of these, no one can say: Since I acknowledge my iniquity, but he who can grieve for what he has done, condemn himself for what he has committed, whom his own vices torment. Hence the Prophet says, What you say in your hearts, and are pierced in your beds (Psalm 4:5). Many horses, when they fall, are accustomed to boast; and those whom misfortune has not harmed, weaken and break themselves by boasting. Others, of the nature of Greek horses, when they have been knocked down either in a chariot race or by chance, are accustomed not to move at all, and hold a certain discipline of calmness and patience. If a misfortune has not harmed him, calm is beneficial; surely offense does not embitter. Are not mute animals to be considered worse, those who boast about their own sins and think it is a mark of virtue when a crime has been committed? That is why it is said to the dumb beast: You have sinned, be still (Gen. IV, 7).
Hence he added beautifully: And my offense against me is always present. For the foolish take delight in their errors and, by shading the old with the new, consider themselves helped by their sins; therefore, they rejoice in their crime. But the wise judge their offense to be against themselves and, just as if they were opposing lines of battle, they think that the slips of their faults are resisting them. Whatever may have shone forth, whatever may have resounded, his own fault always comes to mind; whatever may have been said or read, he thinks was said about himself; whatever he may have intended, he thinks was marked by his nod, by his glance. If he worries, if he thinks, if he prays and beseeches, before his eyes there is always his own error, and at every moment guilt strikes his conscience, and it does not let him rest or forget, as if a harsh censor torments himself with perpetual terror. Therefore, he has all things against him who displeases himself, who is his own accuser, who is his own witness, and he does not find where to flee, who himself scourges and provokes himself. But this is of a noble mind, to feel the wound of sin. For those who are unfamiliar with pain, they do not feel the bitterness of injury, which is the incurability of illness. However, those who are stung by some pain, just as they do not lack the sensation of pain, they also do not lack the progress of health. For where there is the sensation of pain, there is also the sensation of life; for to feel is a sign of vitality and function. Hence, he who does not recognize his own error, is insane, rages, is foolish; but he who does recognize it, certainly repents, does not reject the remedies of health, but restrains himself, regrets his fault, always thinks about it, and by thinking, condemns himself. For in the beginning of his sermon, he is the accuser of himself. He who accuses himself is just; he who is just is sober, sane. The just man does not know how to favor himself, does not know how to bend the strictness of judgment even towards himself, dreads the remembrance of his own mistakes, and is ashamed of the error he has committed, fears, dreads, shrinks from every memory of it; he judges himself to be severe to himself, he flees from himself as judge, and does not dare to entrust himself to himself; which he thinks is no heavier burden for himself than that he cannot hide from himself, deceive himself, or escape and avoid himself, except to deny himself and take up the cross of the Lord.
Great is the power of a guilty conscience, great are the torments. Adam and Eve were afraid; and when they heard the voice of the Lord walking in paradise, they desired to hide themselves, whom no one was seeking. Cain also feared lest anyone who found him would kill him: thus he carried within himself the judgment that he was deserving of no forgiveness. Hence it is well said: And my sin is always against me, that is, the constant memory and the very image of my error assail me. Consider how it confuses us when we have done something wrong, how it makes our eyes cast down, how it always comes back to our memory. One who is ashamed of what they have done does not know how to commit such an act again, and thus feels the same embarrassment.
However, injustice precedes, sin follows. Injustice is the root, but the fruit of the root is guilt. Hence, injustice seems to refer to the wickedness of the mind, sin to the downfall of the body. Injustice is more serious as the material of sins, sin is lighter. Finally, injustice is forgiven through baptism, sin is covered by good deeds, and is overshadowed by other works. Hence, he himself rightly says earlier: Blessed are those whose injustices are forgiven, and whose sins are covered (Psalm 32:1). For charity hides errors and covers a multitude of sins. Charity also forgives many sins itself, as it is written about the woman who poured ointment on the Lord: Her many sins have been forgiven, because she loved much (Luke 7:47).
There are also those who take the first verse to be about baptism, the second about penance. By this grace also, Peter, who had been previously baptized, is questioned after seeing the Lord and denies: Simon, son of John, do you love me? He said to Him: Of course you know, Lord, that I love you (John 21:15 and following). And he is questioned again: Simon, son of John, do you love me? And he responds again: You know that I love you. And he is questioned a third time: Simon, son of John, do you love me? And he was grieved because he said to him for the third time, 'Do you love me?' And he spoke to him: 'Lord, you know all things, you know that I love you.' And it was said to him three times: 'Feed my sheep; follow me' (John 21). He, as if he had covered his sin with excessive love, is commanded to govern the people after his confession of excessive love, who had not even lost his troubled state, as to how he should govern himself. We have mentioned these things for the sake of the grace of love, because it covers sin. Finally, some have said that the triple interrogation of love was made because there was a triple negation; so that the repeated profession of love could erase the triple fall of denial.